Some thoughts, again?

So, it's 4 a.m. in the morning now. I was doing nothing, but staring at the walls and ceiling of my room before deciding to write this post. The boredom and swollen right eye (eye infection, mind you. I'm too old for reckless fights) drove to think about myself in the past two years.


I'm an asshole. I don't deny it and I don't act like I'm not one. I did and said (written) many hurtful things to many people, and I thought it was fun, or perhaps just to satisfy myself. However, I found out that I lost tendency on going all out /raeg on idiots nowadays. Have I changed? Nah, I think not. It's just that I'm sick of screwing every single person I dislike. I doubt I have the time and energy to go diss all of them, there are better things to do, no?

Thanks to shitGAG, memes and trolling became a painful and boring thing to do. I'd troll if I had the chance, but shitGAG took the piss out of it. It used to be fun, until every single motherfuckers out there, including brainless morons started to spam the shit out of every-motherfucking-thing they've come across. Maybe I just blamed it on shitGAG, because I'm getting older and I just don't care about anything anymore... Maybe I think people nowadays are mostly comprised of idiots.

Ah.. What an irony of being an idiot two years ago.


I was browsing my Facebook logs the other day, I saw an apology message written to a friend written few months ago. I read it, again, reminding myself that I was such an asshole in dissing him for fun. He couldn't take it as a joke, and I shouldn't have pushed my luck. I never heard from him anymore and he never forgive me. For this, I regretted my actions. Perhaps I couldn't anything about this anymore, I would like to to just say: 'Hey, I'm really sorry'.

I should've did that years ago and I'm paying the price now.


Another thing I've observed via my logs, fucking unnecessary formalities and politeness in e-mails and logs. I mean I write messages too politely or formal that casual messages became kinda awkward. Perhaps it's due to all the freelancing and client meeting. I need to change this habit before I become Dojan 2.0.


Seriously, fuck this post. I don't even know why I'm writing this.