Recently, I found out the reason why a "friend", let's just call him John, was pissed off at me that he took me off from his Facebook friend list and refused to talk to me. Apparently, I screwed him at a public event and he was ashamed, pissed at me for doing so. However, what John didn't realize was his stupid actions made me screw him.
I am a reasonable person, I don't screw you for some stupid reason that doesn't worth my time. Now, friends call each others names often, it's somewhat like calling out your friend jokingly. It's fun to do so, as long it is done in moderation. Unfortunately for John here, he has a shit piss of mouth, which he can't stop from calling others names. Maybe he just doesn't filter through his brain first before talking, but whatever.
Before this happened on me, there are few others who are pissed at him for being an idiot for not being able to keep his mouth shut. Well, since I'm not getting the edge of it, I didn't really cared about this, until he starts his name calling nonsense on me. It wasn't really annoying when all these started. He'll call me "stupid", "monkey" or something along there. Then, it started to get worse. John will be repeating the whole same shit over and over again from a few minutes, sometimes for more than an hour.
As far as I care, I'm an adult and I can take this kind of verbal abuse and insults without insulting him back. I treat these insults as jokes, they are harmless and don't mean anything. However, perhaps John thinks this is a challenge for him to make me reply aggressively to his insults, he stepped up his effort and treated me as if I'm really a monkey. Whenever he is in his shit mouth mode, he won't consider about my feelings and cut me off by imitating monkey moves and cries.
What John didn't realize or perhaps he is just too stupid to realize is every person has his/her limits in taking such abuse. I'll eventually get pissed off one day and screw him out loud for that.
Now, let's go back to the day on the event. The day before the event I was staying over at a friend's, Kira (no, he's not Kira Yamato, but Kira Ajinomoto <3) with some other friends. Since this was the first time we stayed overnight in Kira's house, we spent the whole night doing stupid things, including searching for porns in his bedroom. We shouldn't have done that, but we were very tired the next morning. Since I'm living in tropical country for half of my life, sleeping in air-conditioned room is somewhat like a torture for me. This adding with the lack of sleep, I was feeling sick and tired at the same time.
At the event, Kira and I sat down on table chatting about some stuff. John was sitting beside Kira with his friend. As we talked, John kept intercepting our conversation by calling me an "arrogant prick" and he repeated this for a long time. I could see Kira was already fed up with John and he wanted to throw a punch over onto John's face. I shook my head to signal him not to do so. As we talked, I felt a sudden headache and told Kira about it. When John heard it, he immediately said that I shouldn't give such excuse for I'm an "arrogant prick". Yes, that was my limit and he got on my nerves. I just can't hold it in my mind anymore since I'm really tired and sick from the previous night and I lost my temper. I shouted at John loudly for being an idiot. He was at first shocked at my reaction and kept quiet after my outburst.
Moving forward few months later, he stopped talking to me, and eventually took me off from his Facebook friend list. I was worried about the situation and suspected a few reasons that made him stopped talking to me, this was one of the few. I wanted to save this friendship, but he just shut me off without giving me a chance. Few days ago, another mutual friend of us, let's call him Adam, finally confirmed this was the reason why he was pissed at me and refused to talk to me. Adam didn't actually knew the whole story, but told me to apologize to John for losing my temper. He told me everyone has his/her pride and I just hurt John for shouting at him at a public place.
Perhaps I can agree with Adam, but not everything Adam said. I wonder, does John ever understand that when he calls me names for a long period and interrupt, cutting me off whenever I'm talking hurts me as well? If he thinks so much about his ago and pride, does he ever know I'm pissed at his stupid antiques? I've made the point for him to stop calling me names, he still wouldn't listen to me. From the way he explained to Adam, it's obvious he thinks he has done no mistakes.
So, if John doesn't realize his mistakes, why should I even apologize to him? What if I apologize and this made him think that I'm the only person who should be blamed for everything? What if he continues on calling me names and being rude to me after I apologize? What is the use of apologizing then?
I don't need such self-centered friend, I'm fine by myself. So, thank you, John for all these time. I'm better off without you being my friend.
/note: for the record, I have a shit mouth and sometimes, I don't really think twice before doing/saying something. So, I'll always have my friends to stop me before I really go over the limits and apologize for being a cunt. In addition, I'd like to take this chance to apologize to Kira for being a friend to me. Kira always receive short end of the stick from everyone, yet being able to keep his temper. Sorry, Kira <3 (insert Ranka's voice), you'll always be a good friend.
